yeah so.

I'm worried that I'll get addicted because it's easier to do than to be "addicted" to people. 

Don't loose yourself.

Hahaha

Always in love

I am choosing not to fall in love with you. I've seen this scenario before. I can't live in Romeo and Juliet moments anymore. I've that kind of love. I'm sorry that I've already learned this lesson.

Mormon Guilt

 

yeah. I like this. I need Jesus is my life. ahahaha

Good Song.

I don't feel like I feel like I should feel. 

The real high

Being high feels exactly like this: Paranoid, heart racing in such a way that you are super aware of it, a weird constant ringing presence near your ears, shaky hands, nervous energy, and shock at everything that's going on all around you. I discovered this while not high at all by the way.

Musiac

I dunno. I"m growing up. I'm also the most immature person I know.  I don't even know how I make decisions anymore. Things sometimes just happen. But I'm kinda of sick of the scared girl that I am. Though I'm still her. Scared shitless, and stuck with myself every time I wake up. Which is why, I realized that I could shut my eyes really tight tonight, and not think about what's going on in my life, but it'll catch up. It might take five years but then I'll still be scared of life and also bitter, filled with regret and really angry with myself.  It's better to be mad at myself today just for not knowing what I'm doing. Seriously even if I'm making the most horrible wretched wrong decisions I'm decisioning and that already feels like less of a free fall. I think I'll always wake up scared about what's goning to happen so I'll have to spite it otherwise shit is never going to happen. And that'll be my fucking fault.

It's on the internet so I don't have to think about it

This is the sound of silence. HA Like I could do that. Ever. Seriously, "I"m never gonna talk to you again." Haha God. Probably never gonna shut the fuck up. The internet man, it's a weird place. 


I love "The Graduate." What a weird movie. Simon & Garfunkel make it art. It captures basically how I've felt all during college. There are all these made up rules and I accidentally end up following because everyone just does.. Maybe when I graduate some gorgeous 40 + year old lady will throw herself at me. I would not complain.  Also I hate the movie my "Best Friends Wedding." That crazy bitch. I"m gonna end up just like her. Repressed feelings, staying away from  "icky love", til it's too late. Then I'll go about it all wrong as per usual. 


Whatever, I'm just writing to keep track of what's going on. And movies are great.