Musiac

I dunno. I"m growing up. I'm also the most immature person I know.  I don't even know how I make decisions anymore. Things sometimes just happen. But I'm kinda of sick of the scared girl that I am. Though I'm still her. Scared shitless, and stuck with myself every time I wake up. Which is why, I realized that I could shut my eyes really tight tonight, and not think about what's going on in my life, but it'll catch up. It might take five years but then I'll still be scared of life and also bitter, filled with regret and really angry with myself.  It's better to be mad at myself today just for not knowing what I'm doing. Seriously even if I'm making the most horrible wretched wrong decisions I'm decisioning and that already feels like less of a free fall. I think I'll always wake up scared about what's goning to happen so I'll have to spite it otherwise shit is never going to happen. And that'll be my fucking fault.