Some things.

My heart is sad and happy and broken and healing and in pain and joyful and other confusing tugging emotions.

Remind me what I believe in because I need it.

I think to myself  "I'm still feeling my first real heartache. you want me to try that again?" and I laugh out loud.

I am so strong and so ridiculous.

No that wasn't me that walked the other way. I mean yes it was. but I won't do that again. Okay I probably will.

Where do I get help to find help?

Am I too forgiving? Or too passive? Or too angry? Or too mean? Or too nice?


I hope that I get to keep this...part. This feeling.

 I feel weirdly distant from my life. Today I was driving to work and I realized that I didn't have my key to get into work so instead of turning around to get my key I went straight to the movie theatre and watched the first thing that was playing next. Which happened to be some spoof on Paranormal Activity. Then instead of going home or going anywhere I drove around until I ended up at Wallmart and I looked at all the movies, and over 50% of the romance/apology and birthday cards. I'm recording this because I don't know why I did it. I didn't plan it, I didn't decide it was a better idea than going to work. I guess I just didn't want to go to work. So I did anything but work. Metaphor? Life lesson? Personal revelation? I dunno.

It being everything.

No it's cool brain we can dream that and totally not forget about it and obsess over it all day long with out really noticing until it's 4:13 am and now I realize I've been thinking about it all day and talking to myself in the back of my head even having a conversation with my brain about how fucked up it is that I talk to my brain when I have much better things to be doing like watching movies and having dinner bought for me and silly "geography certificate receiver" waiter's giving me their numbers while I'm totally spacing out thinking didn't I delete all this shit we're going over right now, isn't this a repeat, sure Jake the Waiter write your number down I'd call you but you probably noticed me meanly making fun of you when you tried to impress us with that "sports joke" o my god I can't stop thinking about it but it's totally cool brain. Totally. Cool.