The Avett Brother's are life.

I'm living between caring about everything and not caring about anything. It's tiring and I think the people around me are sick of me and my problems. Nothing significant is going on except that I"m pretty sure something is killing me.. I feel like I'm fighting whatever it is all the time. I feel like when I put effort into something 'good' in my life there are forces that rip it up and take away the control. Nothing stops me from destroying myself though. So that's what's easier.

I think I've spent a lot of time trying to be whomever it is that people expect me to be. Which is dishonest. I get pissed off at the people who I can almost be myself with because I don't even know how to behave. And a major part of me is just anger, and fight against everyone and everything around me.

Am I the only one who sees final destination style deaths for themselves everywhere they look. Honestly lately I look at something and immediately I can see how I would die if I was hit by that bus, pushed off this cliff, slipped on the train tracks, etc. That's probably not normal. I can see it for people I care about too. That's the most depressing. Hits me hard. Everybody better just be alright until I die. Or it'll kill me.